I think my position on Hamster Hair should be clear by now.  This fashion statement slows them down and I will not have that!!  Not in my army.  The problem is that afterwards they look kind of scrawny and pathetic.  A bitchin' tan really helps.  They say that if you look better, you feel better, so it probably applies to Hamsters, too.  So, of course, I have added tanning to their training schedules. Today I lectured the new troops for two hours on how to do max...

No matter what the naysayer, M., thinks. I know that by having all these hamsters in my head, doing all the dark deeds that need to reluctantly be done to insure my future as a God like the Egyptian Pharaohs,  I AM PREPARING   the fiercest and most cuddly killing force the Chicago metropolitan area has ever seen.  Having all these hamsters in my head makes it possible for me to quickly train new recruits specifically for the jobs that my Mind Hamsters are doing.  I...

The plight of disposable Butt monkeys should be a call to arms for anyone who likes animals. Why I am the only one who seems to be objecting to this trend? Could larger forces be at work? Surely, but that is not my concern. What is my concern is my solemn vow to help you elf shits make sound purchases on anal related products. Unless you have been living in a cave on pcp for the last two years, you have heard of or seen or read about the highly successful commercials with one of those rich...

    Senator John, Chipmunk Cheeks, McCain has finally admitted that he keeps large quantities of food in his extended cheeks.    Telling this reporter, "It all started when I was in Nam, laying there in a hundred and twenty degrees of hell, feeling rats eating my goddamn dick... and just being too tired to do anything about it... well, didn't mean to talk about that.  You publish that shit and I will have you dead by morning.  Now, anyways, for the record.....

I think my position on Hamster Hair should be clear by now.  This fashion statement slows them down and I will not have that!!  Not in my army.  The problem is that afterwards they look kind of scrawny and pathetic.  A bitchin' tan really helps.  They say that if you look better, you feel better, so it probably applies to Hamsters, too.  So, of course, I have added tanning to their training schedules. Today I lectured the new troops for two hours on how to do max...

No matter what the naysayer, M., thinks. I know that by having all these hamsters in my head, doing all the dark deeds that need to reluctantly be done to insure my future as a God like the Egyptian Pharaohs,  I AM PREPARING   the fiercest and most cuddly killing force the Chicago metropolitan area has ever seen.  Having all these hamsters in my head makes it possible for me to quickly train new recruits specifically for the jobs that my Mind Hamsters are doing.  I...

The plight of disposable Butt monkeys should be a call to arms for anyone who likes animals. Why I am the only one who seems to be objecting to this trend? Could larger forces be at work? Surely, but that is not my concern. What is my concern is my solemn vow to help you elf shits make sound purchases on anal related products. Unless you have been living in a cave on pcp for the last two years, you have heard of or seen or read about the highly successful commercials with one of those rich...

    Senator John, Chipmunk Cheeks, McCain has finally admitted that he keeps large quantities of food in his extended cheeks.    Telling this reporter, "It all started when I was in Nam, laying there in a hundred and twenty degrees of hell, feeling rats eating my goddamn dick... and just being too tired to do anything about it... well, didn't mean to talk about that.  You publish that shit and I will have you dead by morning.  Now, anyways, for the record.....